5 Little Things That Can Save Your Marriage – Part 2

Curiosity may be deadly for cats, but it can save your marriage.

That’s why The Second Little Thing That Can Save Your Marriage is:
Curiosity

Remember how it was when you first met your spouse? If you’re like most couples, you were fascinated with each other. You spent hours talking and lingering on every little detail about each other. You really wanted to know everything there was to know about your partner. From what they were like in high school, to what made them happy in the moment, to what they wanted out of life.

You were into each other.

You had curiosity. This mutual curiosity made you both feel loved.

Now I want to let you in on a little secret: it’s natural for curiosity to diminish once you’ve been married for a while. Does this surprise you? It doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you. It’s just what naturally happens to us in long-term relationships.

Now I want to let you in on another little secret: you can get back the curiosity and use it to improve your marriage.

We all love to feel important and understood. There’s no better feeling than to be with a partner who is really curious about who we are and what we’re thinking. The best way for you to get is to give. So I want you to make the first move: give the gift of curiosity.

Today, I want you to jump start the curiosity in your marriage by thinking of three things you don’t know about your partner. Maybe it’s something you’ve always wanted to know but never took the time to ask. Perhaps it’s something that just pops into your head when you start thinking about this exercise. Just think of three things you genuinely want to know about your partner, things you don’t already have the answer to, and write them down. (Remember: they don’t have to be big things.)

Now, if you’ve been married a long time, you might be thinking, ‘What could I possibly ask? I know everything there is to know about my spouse.’ I disagree. You don’t know everything. You and your spouse are both changing every single day. But as the curiosity naturally diminishes in our marriage, we become less likely to see how our partner is changing and growing.

So what do you want to know about your partner?

• Here are some questions you might consider:
• What do you think about as you’re driving to work?
• What was your earliest happy memory when you were a child?
• What’s your idea or fantasy of a perfect afternoon?
• Do/Did you feel closer to your father or your mother?
• Tell me about a time in your life when you were really frightened.
• If you could be anything in the world, what would you be?
• When was the first moment you knew you loved me?
• If you were a musical instrument, what would you be?
• What do you like best about yourself?

One quick note before you try this technique: don’t choose questions that have anything to do with a disagreement you’ve been having or a sore spot between the two of you. I recommend that you stay away from the word ‘why.’ Choose questions that will tell you something you’ve never known before about your spouse.

Remember: Awareness is the most important part. How do you feel when you think about asking your spouse these questions? If you’re doing this exercise with your spouse, the next step is to choose just one question and ask it of them. When you ask your question, relax and wait for an answer. Be curious. See what you learn about the person you know so well.

P.S. If you’re serious about improving your marriage, take a look at the Win Back Love System. Marriage counseling can be great, but this program is designed to put the power to fix your marriage in your hands, not a therapist. The truth is, no one can change your marriage but you.