5 Little Things That Can Save Your Marriage – Part 1

Why do I call them ‘little things’? Well, I’ve worked with hundreds of couples over the last several years. Many of them came to me after they had tried lots of grand gestures to fix their marriage. They tried ‘date night,’ fancy weekend getaways and vacations, and lots of other big things, and almost nothing changed. Or if it did, the changes didn’t last. Many were still angry at each other and feeling unappreciated and misunderstood. They were surprised when I told them that you fix a marriage by fixing the small moments.

In this special report, I’ll share with you 5 little things that I believe can help you strengthen and save your marriage. You can do them by yourself or with your spouse. If you do them with your partner, talk about it with them afterward. Let’s begin.

If you’re struggling with problems in your marriage, you’re probably painfully aware of everything that’s going ‘wrong’ with you and your spouse. In fact, it’s most likely burned into your brain by now because you’re reminded morning, noon and night about what’s not working.

So you’ll be relieved (and possibly surprised) to know that The First Little Thing That Can Save Your Marriage will not involve talking about what’s wrong with your marriage. Quite the opposite. Instead, I’m going to ask you to think about what’s right today. Just three things, in fact.

#1. Think of three good things about your partner. Then write them down.

Most of us assume that telling our spouse what’s wrong will change things in our marriage. Think about it. How many times have you told your partner what’s wrong with the way you communicate, or with your marriage, or with them? How many times have they told you these things? When you’ve both done that, has anything changed? Are you feeling better? Probably not. You most likely just ended up in another argument, with you and your spouse feeling defensive, resentful and frustrated again.

Now, I’m not some kind of naive optimist, and I know you aren’t either. I know people have problems. But I also know that marriages don’t get better by continuously delving into what’s wrong. You make a marriage better by noticing what’s right to fix, not what’s wrong. The first step is seeing, becoming aware, of what’s right.

So here’s what I’d like you to do:

Today, think of three things that are good and worthy about your partner. Just three. You don’t have to come up with a big, long list. Be as specific as possible. If they’re small things, that’s fine. Then write down these three things on a piece of paper, put it in your pocket and carry it with you for the day. When you look at your spouse today, don’t focus on the problems that exist between the two of you or the things you think they do wrong. Remember what’s on the paper. Look at what’s right about them. See their strengths.

• Is your partner lively and friendly?
• Are they sensible and grounded?
• Is your spouse a hard worker?
• Are they a dedicated parent?
• Does your partner make a great cup of coffee?
• Do they make you laugh?
• Do they remember your birthday?
• Do they like to surprise you?

How does it make you feel to write down these positive things about your partner? Does it make you feel good? Do you feel more open to them? Most of you will probably find that your heart opens to your spouse a little when you do this.

If it doesn’t make you feel good, you need to look at why. Are you perhaps too focused on the negative? Do you think, ‘My spouse is good, but?’ That ‘but’ may keep you from really experiencing what’s good about them. Maybe you’re thinking, ‘I don’t know what’s good about my partner anymore. All we’ve been doing is arguing with each other for the longest time. How can there be anything good in that?’

Here’s my response to that question. Every marriage has good and bad in it. Even in things that we consider bad, there is almost always a little good. If you and your spouse are having arguments, even heated ones, it means that you’re still connected. It means that you both still care enough about what’s going on between the two of you to make a statement and put your differences out to each other. It’s much better than not caring. Now, I’m not recommending constant arguing as a way to communicate, but I do want you to know that there is something positive even in an argument.

As with all The Little Things That Can Save Your Marriage, you can do this exercise on your own or with your partner. If you’re doing it together, share your lists with one another. Talk about them, how it felt to think this way and what it’s like to share these good things. Do you feel a new connection building? I think you will.

P.S. If you’re serious about improving your marriage, take a look at the Win Back Love System. Marriage counseling can be great, but this program is designed to put the power to fix your marriage in your hands, not a therapist. The truth is, no one can change your marriage but you.